Cracked on film

• Five most half-a***ed monsters.
• Five lamest disasters.
• Seven films ‘based on a true story’... that are complete bullsh*t.

I was sure Death Ship would make the cut but alas, there are worse ones. Once on cable I saw an even stupider ripoff of Twister, imaginatively titled Tornado! (Note to hacks: tornadoes are not hurricanes.) I am surprised though that another one — a cheap 1950s film in which the monster was the shadow of a lobster! — was overlooked.

One from The Onion:

• Japan pledges to halt production of weirdo porn. Warning: nasty!