Saturday, June 12, 2010

The story of Israel
Imagine you are leasing an apartment. You wake up one day and your landlord is helping someone else move into your room. You ask your landlord about this guy, he merely replies, “This is my friend; he’s been having a rough couple of months, but overall, he’s a great guy and I think you are going to like him.” You are irritated by this act, understandably - it defies any property rights, but, you, being a nice guy, don’t start a lot of sh*t right away.

The first thing this guy does is crack out some duct tape. He uses it to segment the room. You realize his way of segmenting the room cuts you off from most of the bathroom, including the shower, half of your bed, and the entirety of the TV, all of which you bought for yourself. Furthermore, for some reason, this guy keeps the hot water running, like all the time. He says the steam’s good for his sinuses. This is leading Jordan, your downstairs neighbor, to become very angry. On top of that, he keeps parking in Egypt’s spot. You and your neighbors try talking to the landlord, but you all know that it won’t get you anywhere, after all, you are just tenants, and this guy’s a good friend.

Jordan lashes out, and punches the guy, and the guy goes to the landlord to grab a gun. The guy goes on to hold you, Jordan, and Egypt hostage for 6 days. (Though, to be fair to the guy, you did all gang up and were planning to put him in his place with violence.)

The landlord finally stepped in, got the guy to give up the hostage crisis by promising him more space in your room. Jordan and Egypt still pissed, he decides to pay off Egypt so if something like this happens again, it’ll be Egypt and the Guy vs. You and Jordan, though Liberia upstairs hates the noise that all this is bringing. To think, you just moved here because it was prime real estate for worshipping your prophet. Now it is the center of attenting.

Over the course of the next few months, the guy calls the cops on your for any angry look in his direction, and they constantly punish you by giving the guy more of the room to settle. It got to the point that he “allowed” you to have half of the portion of your bed, but he, for some reason, always slept on the other side of the bed, and would constantly roll into your side at night. He’s even got the entrance to the room, but he’d allow you to use it for work, because he’s nice like that.

You get fed up with him again. By this point, you have not had a night’s sleep free from this guy’s feet in your face. You lash out with a series of attacks, and go about the neighborhood proclaiming about the douchebaggery this guy’s been doing. You actively take on a philosophy that is Anti-ThisGuy. Your landlord’s not too happy, but a few of the older apartment dwellers are starting to take notice of this. The guy admits he was being unfair. He will now sleep in his bed from that point forwards. But he doesn’t allow you out of the apartment anymore, or off the bed at all. He will tell your friends that you are not home, and you are too afraid to make a sound because you are afraid that That Guy will kill your friends for trying to help you. Worse yet, in attempts to siphon more from your neighbors, he removed the drywall behind your bed, and is now running LAN cables over it. You are hungry. You are tired. You haven’t been able to change your clothes in over a year, and worse yet, since the guy is charismatic and has an “abused past,” very few people that actually know about your state can actually help you.
From Cracked.

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