Thursday, May 26, 2011

From Taki
  • China’s never-ending Party.
  • Gavin McInnes on manly and womanly style.

    Men:
    • Stop ordering women’s drinks.
    • Carry a briefcase.
    • He gets the difference between real fedora-wearers and the hipster kids, though I wouldn’t have put it like he does: The only time a fedora is acceptable is if it’s the cherry on a 1950s sundae. That means: wingtips or brogues, a suit, a tie and finally a hat. Regarding felt or wool ones, exactly. (But with an overcoat, sometimes I go without the tie or the suit coat.) I wear a straw one when in summer/casual gear. And oxfords are good.
    • Being British to begin with, he gets the difference between men’s and women’s umbrellas: Showing up to a meeting with your wee umbrella all bundled up in its little tube makes you look like you’re allergic to water, and such a person is obviously unfit to be called a man.
    • Cargo shorts are obviously outlawed, as are the ridiculous wigger shorts grown men wear to the beach these days – “shorts” that are so long they are basically pants that scream, “I’m not gay!” so loudly that it’s extremely gay.
    • Men can have Brylcreem in their hair, but only to slick it back.
    • The first thing I always say about mandals is, “What if someone slaps your girl and you have to chase them?” Nobody’s saying you have to be Randy “Macho Man” Savage and pile-drive everyone who doesn’t open the door for your lady, but flip-flops render you incapable of physical combat. Shit, I don’t even think mandals should be allowed on the beach. Wear your sneakers to the beach. When you get to your towel, you can leave them there before swimming or, if the sand is hot, wear them to the tide’s edge and leave them there. Men are wearing flip-flops to work, parent-teacher interviews, apartment closings, and the dentist. Wearing mandals reveals a level of shameless self-love that reminds me of a baby playing with his penis while he gets his diaper changed.
    • I’m not even sure you can wear only a T-shirt, but assuming no collar is acceptable, why is a grown-ass man advertising what band he likes?
    • The iPad is for observers, not creators, and when you read books with it on the train or even bring it to meetings (I’ve seen this many times), it means you are not here to participate in the business world. You’re here to peruse.
    • Here is the fundamental point behind all these rules: A grown man is meant to be prepared for conflict and provide for his wife and family. Indulging oneself like a gay teen on vacation is not only abandoning your post, it’s leaving women to pick up the slack. And nobody wants a world like that – especially women.

    Women:
    • Like firing a fetus from a slingshot, feminism catapulted women out of the kitchen and onto the streets, where they were invited to do anything a man can do – but better. This was a blessing for the few women meant to lead a man’s life, but for the vast majority of womankind, it was like that human cannonball from the Isle of Man who died after being catapulted across the sky and right through his safety net.
    • The kitchen may have been a prison, but it was a hell of a lot easier than staying at the office all night to prepare the PowerPoint presentation for the Clifford account, especially when you have to make the kids’ lunches the next day. Women now get the worst of both worlds.
    • Stop saying ‘like’. I recently had a wood sign made that says, “You are entering a ‘Like’-free zone.” While discussing the details with the carpenter, he asked, “You live around a lot of Valley Girls or something?” No, dude, I live in New York City, where “like” has replaced “the” as the most common word in the English language. You need to stop talking, like, now!

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