Friday, May 13, 2016

Dating: Notes on my first post-red pill relationship

Dating: the manosphere is a map of the treacherous social terrain; blogger Roissy's my virtual coach. Good and bad, it's all true. Conservative Christians (traditionalists, would-be white knights who idealize women) have to deal with that or be alone; it's not just for players but for marriages. A red pill a day keeps the "let's just be friends" line away, my riff on MGTOW apostle Sandman's slogan alluding to The Matrix (take a dose of the truth and wake up to reality). Him: "A red pill a day helps keep the divorce lawyer away." The "red pill" is a limited dose of thinking and acting like an a**hole (confidence/mastery and even some detachment). Just as important as the blue pills some men need (no shame in that, just biology; I happen not to need them*). Mainstream relationship advice is worse than useless. Let him who has taken the red pill understand: game does work.

20 years ago when I had no game, even anti-game, my girlfriend would have turned me down flat.

Roissy maps fallen feminine nature, stuff feminists don't want you to know. He admits that players/pickup artists are bad for society; knowing the truth about human nature, he's actually profoundly conservative. Nice-guy beta providers had a chance before the Sixties ruined everything; the Sixties were a reversion to the law of the jungle.

The McKays, authors of the watered-down men's site The Art of Manliness (Roissy bowdlerized and sugarcoated for conservative Christian men), have a fine post, "Stop Hanging Out with Women and Start Dating Them," a good intro for those for whom Roissy's bluntness (and at face value much of what he says is immoral) would be too much.

Believe it or not, promiscuity as in "casual dating"/"casual sex" and weird, unnatural "platonic" relationships between the sexes are connected, to the same disordered understanding of the sexes (I'm deliberately using that Catholic phrase), which is why post-Sixties Western society glorifies both. I've had peer-pressure liberals turn on me in a rage over my hostility to the latter: "You HAVE to change your attitude!" Threatening me, Mr. Tolerance? Heh. Everybody older than junior high knows that "let's just be friends" is a condescending line for rejects (Roissy: "beta orbiters" think they have a chance); the few actual cases of that are homosexuals or, likewise now celebrated in our debased culture, jaded players and hardened-hearted whores "hanging out" trading stories about their sexual conquests. (When Harry Met Sally... was post-Sixties Hollywood Jews sticking it to Christian America again.) Some manosphere fellows and MGTOW writers/speakers glorify that too; they're fallible. It's evil. The generation born in 1930 didn't have that kind of relationship because those people were normal.

As you can tell from looking at me, I am not of this era. My first cultural memory is pre-Sixties America, in the '60s; I have a kid's memory of the change as the Sixties took over, from 1968 to 1973. That other America has haunted me all my life. (Tried to find it in other things: living in the mother country, England; Russian Orthodoxy.) Think of me as someone a generation older than me, born around 1930. (I should have been working in the newsroom of the Pottsville Republican around 1960.) I'm benevolent (loving a relationship with another rational adult) but as the man I call the shots; if you don't like it, there's the door. I am never friends with women one on one in person (and I don't use that line in breakups); I court them, only one at a time. I don't have a little black book and don't want one. People understandably think I mimic "Mad Men"; actually I started watching that when it was well under way and after I started "turning back the clock" in my life. (I ransom '50s and '60s things, giving them a true loving home again.) I don't want to be a player like Don Draper ("he's a miserable drunk," the actor who played him rightly said), Ricky Nelson's "Travelin' Man" or Dion's "Wanderer" (funny; that's the name of a fine conservative Catholic newspaper). Among that show's characters (few of whom are good or nice), I aspire to be Henry Francis, a stand-up guy very much in love.

Love's great; contra MGTOW, worth the bother of growing up; God made it including sex of course.

"Love one another."

*Obviously I'm not überfromm pious; what little religion I have is all Catholic before Vatican II, sometimes translated into Anglican English. I don't live up to the teachings of the church but I never attack them, something cultural Catholics understand. My goal's modest: confess and commune before I check into purgatory. My girlfriend is a Slavic lapsed Catholic who unofficially adopted her ex-husband's Baptist faith, bemused by my religion but somewhat familiar with it.


  1. "[A]s the man I call the shots; if you don't like it, there's the door."

    I made that clear when I started courting my wife; I never gave a second date to feminists. 60 years ago this "red pill" information about fallen feminine nature was common knowledge; it took a massive disinformation campaign to make it anything else.

    "[A]t face value much of what he says is immoral."

    I know a few men who have taken up the PUA lifestyle just in the past few years. They're already miserable- well on the road to alcoholism, fighting against suicidal thoughts. They know perfectly well that their way of life is destroying them and they'd much rather do something else, but they have no idea how to change. Hopefully they're still young enough to turn it around, but I'm not terribly optimistic. As Uncle Peregrine said in Waugh's "Sword of Honour", "You only have to look at the ghastly fellows who are a success with women to realize there isn't much point in it".

  2. I have you to thank for introducing me to Roissy. I was at first half guitily entertained, half retardedly appalled, but then meditated on how the truths he espoused were those I had been learning by trial and error over fifteen years as a single guy (15-30) and in a decade of marriage.

    In '11, I found myself working with a lot of young women, many of them pretty, one of them very much so. I gently employed the techniques of game playfully, and found they worked liked magic and made the workplace a whole lot more fun for everyone.

    1. You're welcome! Now when are you going to change over your feed to your current blog so I can keep up with you?

  3. Good luck and so long. As an old man, I don't have much interest in a conservative blog for getting a piece.

  4. I guess I'm a rare exception? My wife (pictured) and I were very close friends, realized we would make beautiful music together, courted briefly, and married. Been married happily 8 years, with Baby #2 on the way.

    1. The Red Pill attracts (more like, actively recruits) clueless men who don't know how to act like women. Some of it is OK, but the rest of it is garbage; needlessly antagonistic to women in general. The main points--

      1. Don't be needy
      2. Be confident
      3. Take care of your appearance
      4. Have self-respect

      --are all points that can be gleaned from non-Red Pill (even Leftist!) sources.

      TRP makes a big deal adopting behaviors, appearances and attitudes that are attractive to a large swathe of women. Well I've got news for you--the vast majority of women will not be attractive any particular man, because each man has his own preferences.

    2. I think you mean "... who don't know how to act with women." Of course. Manosphere information is for men who need help: the knowledge a cool male relative or friend(s) passed down to you, which, if you don't naturally pick it up, you will never learn in school (which is feminist) or church (either conservative white-knight or liberal feminist), or from the mainstream media (feminist).

      Some of it is OK, but the rest of it is garbage...

      As Roissy says, bad game is better than no game.

      ...needlessly antagonistic to women in general.

      Often true. Some of these guys hate women.

      1, 2, and 4 are the most important points. 3 matters too, in that it helps 2 and 4 (and aren't 2 and 4 the same?) and looks do matter to women though not as much as to men.

      Leftism is anti-game: anti-common sense about the sexes, pushing disinformation about them.

    3. I hear what you're saying. One of the highlights of our courtship happened this way: my wife, then girlfriend, left her kitchen, sat down next to me, and said, "Would you get me a glass of water?" I looked at her a moment, laughed, and said something to the effect of "You've lost your mind."

    4. Oh please. I am sorry, but there are happy marriages where the wife is not a doormat. The manosphere is a bunch of hooey. My older son got sucked in but is now beginning to realize that women are people, too.

    5. My girlfriend's no doormat either but she wants her man to be a man.

  5. My wife's hardly a doormat. She has a PhD in mathematics and has some of the highest marks in teaching at her university. That doesn't mean that I'm a pushover, either, however. Baby #2 is well on the way, for what it's worth, and so I pretty much do fetch water as needed at the moment. Context is everything. ;)

    1. Ok, sorry. I just have huge problems with this alpha male stuff. Have been happily married for 34 years to a guy who cooks a lot better than I do. And yeah, he is definitely a man.

      At another site, a guy was complaining because his wife hadn't buttered his toast all the way out to the crust, the way he liked it. I'm sorry, but if alpha males are such he-men, why the hell can't they butter their own toast!

  6. John,
    Forgive me if this is too personal. One of the reasons I enjoy your blog is that you unashamedly admit where the secular world tells the truth, and the modern church errs. IF Jesus isn't also the God of the Copybook Headings, he ain't God.My great fear for the coming century is that the Church will continue to insist on thins that just aren't so (HBD denial, equality between the sexes, etc. )and leave millions of people to choose between eternal salvation and their own lying eyes. My impression was that you were a happily married man, applying the truths of Game, (i.e. good sense) to you marriage. Was my impression wrong? If you're widowed or divorced, I'm sorry I brought it up, you have my sympathies. Please continue the good work.


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